Jun 24, 2020
Alexandra Carter is Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia
Law School, where she is also as an award-winning professor, and a
world-renowned negotiation trainer for the United Nations. She also
serves as Executive Director of Stand Up Girls, helping tween girls
develop relationships for greater self-esteem and resilience. She
has appeared on CBS This Morning, MSNBC’s LIVE Weekend and
Hardball, Marketplace, and in The New York Times and Wall Street
Journal. Alex is the author of ASK FOR MORE: Ten Questions to
Negotiate Anything. Alex believes you don’t have to be the most
aggressive person to get a deal done, all it takes is asking the
right questions and you can negotiate anything.
Key Takeaways
[3:25] Alexandra had that moment
when she was a law student in Columbia that this was the career
path that she wanted to do for the rest of her life.
[7:35] Acknowledgement is a
hugely important tool, not just for negotiators, but for leadership
as well.
[9:25] The pandemic is changing
the way we negotiate because we are no longer in the same room
together. Right now, it’s more critical than ever when you’re not
face-to-face to lead the negotiations with a question.
[11:40] Whenever possible,
Alexandra tries to set up video calls, not just phone calls. It
feels more like a conversation than an interrogation.
[12:15] Zoom fatigue is very
real. Our brain is trying to process the ‘unknown’ that it can’t
pick up on when it’s not in person.
[14:35] The handshake is not the
only way to greet someone, to show appreciation, or even to confirm
a deal. Through Alexandra’s multicultural experiences, she has
discovered you can build connection without touch.
[17:20] Negotiation vs.
Mediation. The difference between these two things is meditators
are third-party people trying to help bridge a gap between a
negotiation. They act as a coach to help both parties ask the right
questions.
[23:15] Most people want the
same things, even at the higher multi-million-dollar deal
level.
[24:30] Alexandra never had a
‘one-time’ client, because she’s made a conscious effort to create
relationships.
[26:45] No matter your
background, negotiation is for everyone. You don’t have to be the
most aggressive person in the room to do it.
[31:50] Relationships create a
deal, not the other way around.
[33:00] When you find out the
types of objections people have, you find out what they really
need.
[36:25] Alexandra’s advice:
People start their negotiations in the wrong place. Instead of
trying to brainstorm or come up with the right solutions right
away, first, start with finding the right problem to solve. Before
you negotiate, figure out what’s the first problem you want to
solve.
[41:00] Even in a pandemic, you
can still ask for more of the things that make life worthwhile,
even going out to grow your business and serve people.
Quotable Quotes
- “Questions have tremendous power.”
- “When
a leader acknowledges his/her team, people go the extra mile for
you.”
- “When
we can’t see each other, we’re less likely to trust each
other.”
- “As a
mediator, the work that I’ve been able to do with folks has saved a
lot of relationships.”
- “Most
of the time, you can find a way to create value for both
people.”
- “You
don’t have to be the most aggressive person in the room to be a
good negotiator. You just have to ask great questions and create
great relationships.”
Resources Mentioned
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